Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Christine Stump's avatar

What a trenchant, systems perspective analysis of this phenomenon, thank you. I propose one refinement, probably a semantic change, but one I personally have found illuminating. It's not that people didn't "pay" (support, renumerate) for these services in the past: it's that the exchange was embedded in the structure of the community. Capitalism and tech have democratized community, but also turned the support and exchange structures into "money," in many ways making the exchange appear simpler than it is. "Women's" work is a good example of this. In a system where a family is a unit focused on the thriving of each of its members, care, nursing, gardening, and emotional labor can be (obviously, it isn't always) embedded in the structure of give-and-take and the flow of resources. Reducing that structure to mechanistic parts, disassembling those gears and connectors - so that they can be set up in many different ways, for many different desire/need combos - can rupture the very embeddedness that CAN (again, doesn't always) create flow of resources to those who are using them for the growth of the system. I think of Shamans here, too. Historically, they did enjoy a caretaking relationship with their communities - often with a great deal of space from the mundane routines, to facilitate their deep work, while being acknowledged as elders, leaders, healers, and valued parts of the community. Whether through barter, community stores, or other means, their work was supported. The current economic model of valuing support, healing, and leadership demands that we become very specific about how WE (as healers, coaches, supporters) want the gears and connectors (food, housing, transportation, joy, sharing....) to be constructed in OUR lives. That same specificity can/does apply to becoming clear on who we deem our community to be, who we are deeply connected with.

linda rumpf's avatar

One thing working for me is making my happy clients into ambassadors. For example, when I start working my unique skill set to help new clients taking my Reading Intervention for Parents Course, fixing the overdirectove "scolding" dynamic is a first requirement for some of the parents. Sometimes in the first couple lessons while we are dialing this backI just talk to the kids and we do therapeutic nonreading type art activities. I want them to associate my lessons with low or no pressure and we work the drawing up to cursive handwriting and the handwriting goes into word reading and then text reading. Kids love cursive. Its like a little code their friends dont know (because schoold dont teach it anymore though its starting to come back) so it boosts their confidence. It also fixes letter reversals for dyslexics. Anyway, as we are "playing," the parents are often counseled by me to simply observe and say nothing, even if a kid with ADHD starts sitting upside down in their chair. Its hard for them at first but my parents from my last class this past summer came out of the six weeks saying they completely transformed their relationships with their child and there is no more reading refusal. That's what I do. Plus all the while I am teaching the parents the reading intervention techniques to use for their home lessons so they can take over after the six weeks with the reading and keep moving it forward. Since we just started a new class, I have a parent who was not sure what was going on with all this. So I asked my students from the summer to drop in this week to our class and "help out" by talking about how they dealt with reducing their internal pressure to see their kids succeed long enough for the class to do its magic. Two of these parents already made a video with me about the amazing results they got out of the course. I added it as content to my recent dyslexia summit. Im getting huge mileage out of these clients, though there are only a few. And, at the same time, deepening my relationship with them and letting them know how much I appreciate them, honoring their achievements, and pulling them deeper into community by asking them to speak to my current class. We are talking about a total of six people with the current and former class. But the effect its had on validating my unique offering, my "signature course," if you will, has been profound.

9 more comments...

No posts

Ready for more?